Turning Thirty


Turing thirty is rather easy for some. For others, such as myself, it is a hurdle--a giant, nasty hurdle that keeps Kleenex in business. I'm not sure what the issue is really, but the experience has proved enlightening. I've noticed an evolution and made note of the everyday things that have changed as I approach middle age.

Things I’ve noticed about turning thirty:

1. All of a sudden, there is music that is too loud, obscene, or all of the above. 

2. The pool of men that are too young for me to find attractive has become notably larger.

3. The pool of men that are too old for me has shrunk to give the younger pool more breathing room.

4. Some clothes are now off limits to me forever, even if they still fit me perfectly.

5. Some clothes that were considered hideous, I now comprehend, and regrettably, will probably don in the near future.

6. I will never run a ten minute mile while hung over, ever again.

7. If I ever want to wear pig tails again, I will have to think up a Halloween costume for which they are essential.

8. Upon turning twenty-nine, even frigid women like myself melt and experience inexplicable emotional moments that result in tear shed, for no reason whatsoever.

9. That notion I had in my youth, that I was going to have my shit together or die by the time I was thirty was stupid and unrealistic, just like the idea that I was going to marry Gavin Rossdale.

10. For the first time in my life, I genuinely do not care what others think of my character--my own thoughts on that subject suffice.